


Eighteen To Nothing

by zerofour



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, i forgot to tag angst i'm sorry y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 09:51:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11288790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zerofour/pseuds/zerofour
Summary: A (somewhat) countdown both in Hansol and Jisoo's life as one is a coward who desperately tries to run away while the other is a martyr who stubbornly reaches out.





	Eighteen To Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> From my own prompt: The four times Jisoo tried and then gave up. Inspired by Jisoo's little monologue in Jun's teaser.

Eighteen minutes past two in the afternoon finds Hansol curled up in a fetal position on his couch, sipping juice and scrolling mindlessly through his phone. The day's pretty uneventful as the hours and minutes tick by, but he couldn't bring himself to go out and enjoy another spring day at its peak.

  
Seventeen minutes past three in the afternoon finds Hansol draped across the couch, asleep and phone long forgotten at the coffee table. He fails to reply to a text sent to him, which later on he sees and just leaves on read.

 _Hey_. 

- 

Sixteen minutes 'til four in the morning is when Hansol wakes up with a start. Fringe stuck to his forehead, shirt clinging to his body with sweat, chest heaving, and a hand clutching his chest.

  
Another bad dream.

  
No, another bad dream with the same person stubbornly being in it.

  
Winter, spring, summer, or fall. All seasons already occurred in his dream, and the same person is the only one appearing in all of Hansol's dreams. It's haunting, and each night he never fails to shed tears as he knocks on his own head continuously, willing himself to forget what he had just dreamed of, but never once successful. He wants to forget. Forget everything about him. Because it's the only thing hindering Hansol from going back to the person he was before the chaos that happened to _them_.

  
Fifteen minutes before five in the morning has Hansol guessing that he might never be straight up lucky for once in this lifetime as his phone pings, signaling a voice mail coming through.

  
Fourteen minutes after six did he only find the courage to listen to the single voice mail sent more than an hour ago.

  
_How are you?_

  
Thirteen minutes before seven is the time Hansol managed to calm down, breathing finally stable and the tear streaks long gone in his face.

-

Disabling voicemail was a very bad idea.

  
Answering the call when he already knew what the effect of hearing the other's voice would be was a stupid idea.

  
More so letting the other speak before hanging up. It was a mistake. Everything was a mistake.

  
_I don't know why I called you butㅡ_

  
Silence.

  
It's twelve minutes past eleven when Hansol chooses to hang up.

-

Hansol is in New York, and in the middle of state hopping to clear his mind off things (read: him) when he chooses to get shit-faced on a Wednesday night. The bar he chose to drink at was close to empty, which is a feat since it's in New York and New Yorkers, well, you know it.

  
He was statistically 90% drunk and 10% sober when he feels his phone vibrating in his pocket. Questioning why his phone can now take direct calls but throwing his fucks out the window, he picks up and answers it.

  
Only to be knocked into soberness by his brain when a familiar sound travels from the phone's speaker to Hansol's ears.

  
_When we see each other againㅡno. Never mind. Bye._

  
Hansol feels his breath leaving him, making him gape as he is left with nothing but a one-sided cut-off conversation. He clutches his chest, feeling it constrict painfully. He's supposed to be happy.

  
Because for the first time in a long while, the other chose to hang up. Which means he officially gave up.

  
But why is he crying? It's certainly not out of happiness, judging from the way he curls onto himself as he fists his clothes, twisting it so much it might leave a permanent wrinkle.

  
Why is the question Hansol bombards himself with as he checks the call log of the person whom he thinks gave up just now.

  
It's eleven minutes past one in the morning when he hung up.

-

Ten years.

  
Ten years since he last saw Hansol's face, since he last saw sight of his best friend. He didn't know what went wrong, what he did wrong. But somewhere along the road of always having each other's backs and never leaving the other for another, Jisoo went wrong.

  
Until now he doesn't know what mistake he did for Hansol to suddenly vanish out of thin air in the middle of senior year in college. Things have been running smoothly for the communications major (Jisoo) and photography major (Hansol) in the past, with both of them being labeled as the best in their respective departments. And despite the differences in the fields they want to pursue after college, the pair managed to hit it off.

  
Until a day came where Jisoo woke up to an empty spot next to him in bed, where Hansol's sleeping form would always greet him as the older always wakes up before him.

  
He's aware that he drank a lot last night, but all his senses were on high alert when he sees Hansol's side of the room completely bare. He runs outside to find no one, and he almost feels like crying when he sees the shelf full of video games Hansol bought gone. Leaving Jisoo's books alone in the shelf.

  
Everything Hansol owned were gone, even traces of him cannot be seen in the entire apartment.

  
Jisoo breaks down and for the first time in his twenty-two years of living, he spends his own birthday cooped up in his bed all day, alone and best friend-less.

  
(He finds himself crying on the floor of their once shared bathroom when word says Hansol decided to finish the last semester in Illinois, explaining the news of Hansol missing from the day of Jisoo's birthday onwards. But not really. He fails to see his kiss-swollen lips on the day he woke up and found Hansol missing.)

- 

It's been a long and grueling nine months since Jisoo started flooding Hansol's phone in hopes of making the other pick up his calls or reply to his messages. The Jisoo everyone knew seemed to disappear along with Hansol as he falls into depression. He graduated college with his grades going downhill from straight As to B and Cs. The once active and studious Jisoo was replaced with a gloomy and unresponsive Jisoo, affecting almost the entire department with his stoic face and somber expressions.

  
It took him a year before he finally freed himself from depression, but after then he assured his parents that he will get a job as soon as possible. And after landing himself a stable job that pays far more than the average, a few years found him with a beautiful penthouse in Manhattan and a life he wouldn't trade for the world.

  
He would trade it if the world would give him his best friend back, though.

  
He still hasn't stopped reaching out to Hansol, surprised that the latter hadn't bothered to change his number. And yet he never responds to Jisoo's calls or messages.

  
It's tiring and borderline hopeless, but Jisoo went through hell and back after Hansol left him (for good? He might never know.) He wouldn't give up now, not unless the day comes when the number he calls and texts at least twice a day replies.

  
If Hansol picks up the phone at least once, or replies to him once, Jisoo will officially give up.

- 

Jisoo grew to be indifferent about calling or messaging Hansol through the years. If graduating college student Jisoo were all about angry texts and voicemails, the present Jisoo was now laid-back. He would only send one word to one sentence texts to Hansol, knowing that typing long messages wouldn't matter anymore.

But it's eight weeks before Jisoo permanently moves to Los Angeles where his family is when Hansol finally picks up one of his calls.

  
Jisoo grew frantic when the call didn't direct him to the usual voicemail for the past ten years and instead directed him to the person he wanted so badly to hear the voice of.

  
There was silence on the opposite line, giving Jisoo a signal to talk. But all the words he wanted to ask and to know gets stuck in his throat, the only words that successfully comes out of his mouth was that he doesn't know why he's calling Hansol and then the call being cut off.

  
But above all of those, Hansol finally picked up. Which means it's also time for Jisoo to give up.

  
(After hours of thinking about it, however, stubborn him chose to give Hansol one last chance. For what, he doesn't know.)

-

_New York, New York_

  
It's seven days before Jisoo leaves Manhattan for good when he tries his luck again in calling Hansol.

  
After Hansol picked up his call two months ago, Jisoo hadn't found the courage to call him again, mainly because he's trying to remember all the things that he wants to say, but partly because he's afraid that Hansol would answer and brush him off like he brushed off the friendship that they had since freshman year in college.

  
He's currently shaking from anticipation and fear as he dials the number that he's long since engraved in his heart and mind. And to his surprise, it rings again.

  
_Hello?_

  
_He sounds drunk, he is drunk._ This is what Jisoo thinks when he hears Hansol's ever husky voice through the line. He ignores the beating of his heart as he speaks, unconsciously praying for Hansol to not hang up this time.

  
_When we see each other againㅡno._

  
Jisoo stops himself. Sobs were threatening to rip out his throat, but he stays strong and gulps them all down slowly, painfully.

  
_Never mind._

  
Instead, he says the only word he needed to say.

  
_Bye._  

- 

_John F. Kennedy International Airport_  
_Queens, New York  
Six hours before departure to Los Angeles, California_

  
Jisoo's lounging in a cafe as he kills time by checking work and personal emails, occasionally scrolling through other social media sites and silently hoping that six hours to come by faster. His penthouse is only less than twenty minutes away from the airport and one would ask why he chose to be this early. But Jisoo found his penthouse creepy and lonely without all his belongings in there, so he chose to stay in the airport where there's life bustling around him so he would feel a little less lonely.

  
He wouldn't admit it, but Hansol took a part of him when he left. And he's the reason why Jisoo never felt truly happy in a long time.

-

_John F. Kennedy International Airport_  
_Queens, New York  
Five minutes before departure to Orlando, Florida_

  
Hansol's muttering curses under his breath as he bolts his way through his boarding gate, ears turning red in embarrassment as he hears his own name getting called out from the speakers.

  
He miscalculated the time it takes for him to get ready and ended up taking a taxi thirty minutes before the boarding gates close. He thanks god for the cab driver's speed as he zooms their way to the airport, leaving Hansol with ten minutes to spare before his plane ticket officially goes to waste.

  
As he zooms past the other boarding gates, he abruptly halts when he runs past a person walking out of a cafe. The person who goes by the nameㅡ

-

_John F. Kennedy International Airport  
0 hours, x minutes, 10 seconds before departure_

  
"Jisoo."

  
He pants as the said man turns to face him, face paling.

  
"Jisoo." Hansol tries to go near him to explain the last ten years that separated them, but all that greets him back is a forced smile, a back facing him, and retreating steps.

  
"Please, Jisoo." Hansol's eyes were filled with unshed tears, but Jisoo never looks back, not even sparing him a glance. Nothing.

  
It took four seconds for Jisoo to gather all his strength to not run into Hansol's arms.

  
Three seconds for him to forcefully seal his mouth shut.

  
Two seconds to walk away with heavy but determined steps.

  
But one thing's for sure.

  
It only took Hansol a second to understand that Jisoo doesn't want him near him anymore.

  
(Even though it took Hansol a decade to realize how much he wanted Jisoo back in his life.)

**Author's Note:**

> It's a bit rushed since I made this right after finals week ended. And they're both idiots, I know. Why did I even make this.


End file.
